Disappointed at the Birth of my Child

by | May 17, 2018

It’s true. I was disappointed, at first. Let me explain.

With Candy’s first two pregnancies, we were not able to afford the cost of finding out the sex of our coming baby. With our first child, we didn’t really care if it was a boy or a girl. We just prayed that momma and baby were healthy. On May 29, 1992, our prayers were answered, we were thrilled, and Candy and I inherited new names as Mother and Father to Ashley Nicole Bandara.

Two years later and only a month before the passing of Candy’s beloved Papa, we suffered a painful miscarriage. These two losses spun Candy into a year long battle with depression. She cried a lot. She couldn’t sing. She was in a fog. And there was nothing I could do to fix it. When my wife finally resurfaced, I was so relieved to have her back.

Two more years later, we were both excited and hesitant when we discovered Candy was pregnant again. Instead of telling everyone, we kept the news to ourselves until it was realistic and emotionally safe to share the news. We had six nurses in our church who, based upon the speed of the heart beat and that Candy was carrying this baby lower than she did Ashley, all told us that they were very confident that this baby was going to be a boy.

Hearing the persuasive predictions of adding a boy into my family, I was elated. I began dreaming of playing catch, shooting baskets, and enjoying sporting events with my son. Early on we decided his name: Tyler Douglas Bandara. We were so confident a boy was coming that we didn’t even have a girl name lined up. Two weeks before delivery we chose Holly Megan for a girl… just in case.

The day of arrival was finally here. I was excited. Candy was in pain. I waited with anticipation next to Candy’s head. (I don’t do bloody messes) Our favorite nurse, Patti Jacobs, was there to give us the play by play. With one last push our baby made its entrance into the world and Patti declared, “It’s…it’s… it’s a Holly!”

I was stunned. This news did not compute. Then I actually said, “Check again.” Patti calmly said, “Oh, it’s definitely a Holly.” I’m not exactly sure what kind of look I had on my face but the next thing I remember was Candy touching my arm and saying, “Honey, it’s ok. We’ll try again.” I felt horrible that my countenance could not conceal my sense of disappointment. But I was. I had so looked forward to having a son to coach, teach, and enjoy watching the 49ers with. I tried my best to fake it but I knew Candy could tell.

My entire perspective changed a few moments later. I was carrying Holly in my arms when we stepped out of our room and into the birthing lobby. I quickly noticed a man on the floor sobbing intensely. I whispered to the nurse as we were walking, “What’s going on?” She quietly said, “Sometimes this is not a very happy place.” I knew what she meant. His baby didn’t survive. I immediately looked down at my little Holly with new eyes. A fresh perspective. Disappointment disappeared and gratefulness overwhelmed my soul.

An hour later, I entered the elevator and the same man I saw weeping on the floor was inside. As the elevator went upward I over heard the news that not only did his baby pass away but now his wife’s life was in jeopardy. Boom! Another reality check.

God has a way of being sovereign and wise now and then. No. He is always sovereign and wise. However, we often assume we have a better plan than He does.

From that moment in the birthing lobby at Harrison Hospital, there has not been one single day that I’ve ever regretted having Holly in my family, life, and heart. God is so good that He gave me a daughter with a sweet and tender heart, incredible blue eyes, and an outside 3 point jumper to die for! Holly is the most natural athlete in our family and one I’ve had the privilege to coach throughout her junior high and high school years. Plus, Holly is also an avid 49er fan like me! God knew. All along, He knew!

In less than a month, I will have the honor and privilege to walk Holly down the aisle and give her away to a godly young man named Luke Gregory. He’s who I’ve prayed for these past 20 something years. He loves God and adores Holly. What more could I ask for? On that day, my heart will be filled with emotions of pride, honor, love, and excitement. In a small way, like my Heavenly Father “gave” me a special, sovereign gift on December 7, 1996, I proudly give Holly away to a man she loves wholeheartedly.

I love you Holly Megan!

Dad

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