The Summer That Almost Destroyed My Family
The summer of 1976 started off great. I had just finished sixth grade and celebrated my 12th birthday in early June. Then I received the sudden news that my father was leaving our family. I didn’t want him to leave but he said he needed to go to Alaska to earn some money. That kinda made sense but I would later learn there was much more to the story. Much more.
Let’s back up a few years earlier. My dad was a highly respected and successful counselor at the Boys Ranch facility working in the Santa Clara juvenile justice system. He also owned five rental properties in Silicon Valley. He was quite proud of his white Mercedes convertible. Our 
family had recently expanded to five children: Bonny, Barry, Betty, Becky, and now Bobby. Life was good. My father was happy. Then God called my father into the ministry.
United Baptist Church was a growing church on the eastside of San Jose, CA. Except for their Youth Department which couldn’t find a reliable leader. Pastor Larry Chappel was a dynamic communicator with big dreams and goals for himself and for our church. Pastor Chappel asked my dad to pray about becoming his next Youth Director. (The term Youth Pastor was not in vogue yet.) My father had
accepted Christ six years prior but had no formal church ministry training. After praying about it, my father accepted the call to ministry knowing he would be taking a pretty big pay cut. He would soon trade in his Mercedes for a bright yellow 1967 El Camino. Over the next few years, my dad would quietly sell several rental properties in order to provide for his family.
Within two years, the youth group exploded from 50 students to nearly 200. My father was incredibly authentic, humble, and had a genuine love for teenagers. He also grew a talented and fun youth staff and began hosting Bay Area youth rallies with other church youth
groups. They were legendary. He created a singing group called the Alviso Boys that would lip-sync hilarious songs that brought the house down. Former students would talk about their experience in my dad’s youth group 40 years later. It was that impactful and life-changing.
Then in 1975, the church came to a crashing halt. Pastor Chappell suddenly resigned, leaving the church with unanswered questions and in massive financial debt. Just prior to his departure, he selected a young pastor, Ted Duncan, to be the next Senior Pastor. Another pastor on staff was upset because he thought he should have been chosen. So he left to start another church in the valley. Half the church left with him. Pastor Duncan was in a no-win situation. The church was financially in major debt and half the church just left. United Baptist was on the threshold of closing its doors. An emergency church staff meeting was called. Out of the large staff, only three would retain their jobs. My dad was one of the three remaining but with a caveat – in addition to his full-time Youth Director responsibilities, he had to assume the full-time High School Principal position as well.
Without hesitation or complaint, my father dove right in to help the church and his good friend, Ted Duncan. He would later pay for this dearly but that was my dad; loyal, hard-working, a positive spirit, and a team player. Given the financial crisis the church was facing, my father quietly sold another rental property to make ends meet at home.
Over time, the decision to fill two full-time positions came with a tremendous cost financially, emotionally, maritally, physically, and spiritually. I remember one incident after church one Sunday night. It revealed a crack in my father’s armor that I had never seen before. My dad and I were in the parking lot and someone from the church innocently said to him, “I just don’t know how you are making it.” My dad played it off well. When we got into the El Camino I could tell my father was visibly upset. Then he said, “Sometimes I just want to tell them, we are NOT making it!” This sixth-grade boy had no way of understanding the tremendous financial pressure he was facing. The pressure was building up inside of him like a volcano. Years later I would learn he had run out of rental properties to sell. Several months later, my father would no longer be able to hold it together.
One Sunday in late May or early June of 1976, after working all week for the Christian School and had just finished teaching in the Youth Group, my father went into Pastor Duncan’s office to drop something off on his desk. As he did, my dad saw the new leadership flow chart for the church. My dad’s name had been replaced as the High School Principal. Another man in the church had been inserted into his spot. This man had recently befriended my father but behind the scenes was angling for the Principal position.
On paper, the flow chart made a lot of sense. This man had a background in education and my dad working two jobs was unwise and unsustainable. Pastor Duncan wasn’t trying to hurt my dad or being deceitful behind his back. He was doing his job. I’m confident this new plan for the new school year was going to be discussed with my father at some point in time. But when he was surprised to see his name removed, something inside of him broke. The dam of emotions along with physical fatigue and financial strain could no longer be held together. My rational father made several quick and irrational decisions. The next morning, he
immediately emptied everything from his office into the back of the El Camino, threw it all into the trash dumpster behind the church building. He then resigned on the spot and drove home mad, hurt, exhausted, and empty; disillusioned by the church he had given so much of his heart and soul to.
A week later, while my father loaded his El Camino for his trip to Alaska, I decided to use one of my new birthday gifts: a vinyl label maker. (Yes, that was a thing that year.) One by one, I made a label of the names of each of us five kids and affixed them on the metal dashboard, just left of the steering wheel. I had no idea how God would greatly use those simple labels in the weeks and months ahead.
So off he drove. My father left us emotionally drained, physically spent, maritally distant, spiritually empty, and financially broke. As soon as he left, my mother went upstairs to her room and cried hard into a pillow so that us kids would not hear her agony. Years later, she told us, “In one day, I felt like I lost my marriage, my church, and my friends.”
60 hours and 3,124 miles later, my father drove
into Anchorage, Alaska. He kept getting interesting looks and then multiple offers from people to buy his El Camino. The Alcan Highway had not been fully paved yet so an older vehicle like his was a rare find. They could not believe he actually drove his medium-size truck all the way to Alaska! With his canopy on the truck bed, my dad darkened the windows, threw in a single mattress, and made his El Camino his motel.
While my father’s physical muscles got strong tossing 20 pound King Salmon while working long hours at the fish cannery, he was dying inside. The combination of burnout, depression, disillusionment, and hurt is a serious combination. So serious, that it led my father down a very dark, and dangerous path and began working on a plan that would have devastated or even destroyed our family. Here was his plan: to crash his El Camino off of a cliff, thus faking his death. My mom would receive his life insurance money to take care of her and the children. My dad would then change his name, move to Australia, and start his life all over.
This dark path would haunt my father for some time. But each time he saw the vinyl labels of his children’s names it would bring him out of the darkness. He began to struggle with the thought of not walking his oldest daughter, Bonny, down the aisle on her wedding day. He knew he was not well. He knew he needed help.
Thankfully, God drew my father to the Anchorage Baptist Temple and he reached out to Pastor Jerry Prevo for help. This 31-year-old pastor was an oasis in my father’s desert. Pastor Prevo listened, cared, loved, counseled, and prayed for my father. As a result, my father’s fiery plan to start his life over without my mom and his children dissipated. My dad began attending church services again and the worship and word of God began to heal him from the inside out.
After sending money to my mother to pay the bills, my father reached out to her with a request. He told her he needed her with him. He shared how they needed to work on healing their marriage. He asked her to make arrangements to come up to Alaska to be with him. She did. She drove all five of us kids down to southern California to stay with our Uncle Ron and Aunt Alicia, where we stayed for eight weeks.
Before flying to Anchorage, my mother came to the church office to meet with Pastor Duncan. She wanted him to know that she held no ill will towards him at all. He wept at his desk because of how much pain his friend was going through. I am proud of my mother for doing this. Pastor Duncan and my parents’ friendship endured. As a result, my relationship with “my pastor” has been a sweet friendship over all these years as well.
I cannot fathom what my life and the lives of my siblings would have looked like if Satan had been successful in the schemes he was trying to sell my father. Our lives would have been shattered. My dad would have never been there for two more siblings, Brendie and Bradley, to join our family. I would have never gone to Liberty University and never met my wife, Candy, there. I truly believe there is no way I would have ever entered the ministry as a pastor, now 37 years of ministry, if I would have eventually found out what the ministry did to my father.
But God. But God had other plans for my father. But God had Pastor Prevo to be the right help with the right counsel at the right time. But God had plans for my dad to one day re-enter the ministry at our home church. But God had plans for me to graduate from Liberty University, marry Candy, and for us to have three beautiful girls. But God had all three of my girls attend Liberty also and two of them found their husbands there. But God.
I have never met Jerry Prevo. But, interestingly enough, several years ago God called Dr. Prevo out of retirement to become the President of Liberty University, my alma mater. After years of mission drift, God is greatly using Dr. Jerry Prevo to help Liberty get back on the right path. In a different but similar way, he helped guide my father back on the right path 46 years earlier.
Humanly speaking, I have wondered what would have happened if my dad had never been in a dire position to sell those rental properties. Each of them would be worth well over $1 million today! But God had other plans. Cancer took my father to heaven in 1990 at the age of 51. He didn’t leave his family with much financial wealth. However, he left a godly legacy with all of his children. He would be thrilled to know that all seven of his grown children are faithful followers of Jesus Christ and all are raising a godly heritage as he did. This legacy is more valuable than any Silicon Valley real estate and will last forever in God’s economy.
Yes, God is indeed sovereign. His unseen Hand continued crafting His plan for our father. For HIs purposes, He chose to rescue our family from the cliff of devastation. He then healed, restored, and returned our father to his family. To God be the glory!
Thank you so much for sharing this. Your parents were such an inspiration to us. We came to Liberty while this was happening but never knew the details. Makes me admire them even more. Their legacy lives on through their beloved “kids” and grands and great grandkids. It always amazes me how God puts just the right person before you when you need a word rightly spoken or a shoulder to lean on. Love to you and may God continue to bless your (His) ministry.
Thank you, Gayle! My parents never leaked their pain or hurt to us kids. This decision kept Satan from using bitterness for his advantage. I am forever grateful they chose to be wise in their actions!
Thank you so much for sharing this moving and personal family story. What a testimony! God bless you and your ministry as you serve the Lord. You blessed me with this emotional story of your family Thank you!
Thank you so much, Ralph!!
Barry, i met your mom and Dad, thru my 1st husband Ted DeLong. and his brother Frank. Frank lived with your parents. Does your mom still Live? I went to Church at ABT. and yes Brother Prevo was my preacher. I knew that your dad had gone to Alaska in his El Camino. I moved back to Alaska 1982. I also knew your mom moved to Medford. Last night God put your mom in my thoughts, so i googled her name and saw your story this morning. My last name used to be DeLong.
Oh my! Yes, I remember both Ted and Frank. I had lots of conversations with Frank at our house. I remember going out with Ted for some real Chicago Pizza in downtown San Jose! Thanks for reaching out and sharing!
Thank you for sharing this Barry. Your dad led me to the Lord and I remember that he died in the same hospital the day my special needs son was born I will never forget him. Your family has been an inspiration to me. I’m so grateful for God’s provision and your ministry and the church you are pastoring. I will always remember your family. God bless you all.
BARRY I AM GLAD YOU FINALLY TOLD THE STORY YOUR UNCLE EDDIE WOULD BE PLEASED TO READ THIS. HE STAYED AT YOUR HOUSE WITH YOUR
MOTHER BEFORE YOUR FATHER LEFT BUT YOUR FATHER WOULD NOT STOP FEARING THAT HE WOULD BR TALKED OUT OF GOING
I was too young to know this but thankful to hear Uncle Eddie was there for him and my mother. I know he and my father had a special love for each other! 🙂 Thanks for sharing Aunt Marilyn!
Phenomenal bro and so well written. I knew most of that story but didn’t know about you writing our names on labels and placing them in the El Camino. Sniff sniff. I miss him so much.
Thanks, Bobby! My labels were high-tech at that time… for about 5 minutes! I was moved when dad told me what effects those labels had on him. Miss him so much too!
I thought I knew a lot of you Bandara’s but WOW this was an amazing testimony! Thanks for sharing Barry.
Thanks, Darryl! SO cool that you are a part of our heart and heritage. I love seeing you stay connected with Bobby!
Thanks for sharing this Barry!! What a story of God’s faithfulness throughout your family throughout the years!
Praying for you, especially during this time!!!
Thank you, Kent! I sure appreciate the prayers! I, like you, have a blessed heritage. With my mother’s days numbered on this earth, lots of stories are surfacing that I want to write about! Blessings to you and your family!
God bless you and your family. God has worked miricles through your family. The lives your parent’s touched are many and are blessed for knowing them. You have continued their legacy and have help many more through your life of ministry. I am blessed to call you a friend even though we haven’t seen you since high school that friendship has help me through some rough times. I love that I was able to know your parent’s and your family sush a blessed example of Gods grace here on earth.
Thank you, Patrick! When my father passed, I was so angry at God for several years. It’s because of how many people he loved, touched, and encouraged. I just couldn’t understand why God would remove such a person of godly influence. Knowing my parents and our family has been a blessing in your life is so incredibly honoring! Thanks for loving my mom and dad so much!
Barry,
Thank you for this insight. I was a teen in Barry’s youth during these years. Oh how we loved him. He made the biggest impact on my life and on so many others. I remember the epic youth rallies. Oh those days were glorious! And of course the Alviso boys were fantastic. But mostly I remember his love for Christ, for your mom, his children and for us—his teens.
We all knew something wasn’t right when he left abruptly but there was no explanation. We just knew we loved him and that we missed him terribly.
As an adult it was such a joy to have your father back in our lives at Liberty. I learned so very much from his adult Sunday school class. His wisdom and insights were biblically solid and so applicable to our lives as young marrieds.
I am so very grateful to you and your mother, Georgene for allowing me to share your young teen aged perspective of this season in my book Moms Raising Sons to Be Men. Your mother’s wisdom and grace is even more amazing when I hear the whole story.
We love all of the Bandaras and are so blessed to see Barry’s legacy living on in each of your lives. May God use this story in ways exceedingly and abundantly above all we can ask or imagine.
Soli deo gloria
Rhonda Stoppe
Thank you, Rhonda! I never heard that there was no explanation given. Yes, did he love “his kids” in the youth group! Years later there was a reunion picture taken in the old auditorium. That would be cool to post on the Facebook page if someone has it. I remember how proud he was in this pic to be surrounded by so many former teenagers. I am so grateful for what God did in and through my father for His glory! Thanks for sharing! It always means a lot when you do!
What an inspiring testimony! I wish many would read this and be encouraged like me. It’s like resurrecting from a lifeless situation. God always has mysterious ways to put us back on His track. Thank you Pastor Barry for sharing these life lessons.
Thank you, Kiran! May God continue to receive the glory for His sovereign plan unfolding in my family! May God continue to bless you and your family in India! Thank you my friend!
Thank you….. your father was a huge impact in my life. I still think of those days. I wish I could tell him thank you for his influence in my life.
Thank you, Don! I am so glad my father had such a positive influence on your life! Soon, you’ll be able to tell him everything you would like to say to him in heaven!
Wow!!! Barry! Thank you for sharing this terrifically difficult and yet God honoring story. We were in there during the time when you were in 7th or 8th grade. We always knew something was amiss but nothing was ever said the year we were at Liberty. We loved the Bandara’s and most of us were heart-broken to leave because of your sweet family. It was so good to connect again. Thank you for your honest and humble approach to what could have been a harsh attack on the church. I still plan on getting up there to visit you.
Thank you, Cherie! I am forever grateful that my parents didn’t let any ministry poison invade our house! I am also grateful that I have been reconnected with you and Mark via Facebook! 🙂
Your dad was always there for me. When I looked out at the parking lot and saw his yellow ElCamino, I felt safe. At a time in my life when I felt unloved/unlovable he gave me hope. Because of him, I have had a happy life full of love. My only regret is that I didn’t get to share that knowledge with him.
Orlene (Riebe)Burd
Thank you so much for sharing, Orlene! I am so glad my father had such a positive and lasting impact on your life! When you get to heaven, you can tell him all about it! 🙂
I always thought of your dad as a “second dad” because of all the time I spent at the Bandara house as a little kid. And because he was one of my dad’s closest friends. Of course I was too young to know any of the struggles he went through, but he was always kind to me. I’m so thankful for God’s faithfulness to so many at Liberty during that time, and what an awesome legacy that has grown from that group! I’m praying for Georgene and your family, Barry. Much love to you all!
Thank you, Abby! I am glad you felt that way towards my dad. I am forever grateful for the positive influence your dad and mom had on my life! Thanks again for sharing!
Oh the impact of The Bandara Family! God used both of your parents in my childhood and then as an adult. Brandie and Bradley were the same ages as my children when God brought them to Medford Oregon and what a gift God gave us again. I spent many nights with Bonnie, I remember hiking to the cave behind your house. It was never boring that’s for sure! Not only do I have fond memories of your family but my children do too. My daughter has often said there’s not a memory from Medford that doesn’t s include the Bandara’s! Not long ago I was going through some old boxes and ran across a binder of notes from a marriage and parenting class your parents had taught in our church. As I skimmed through the pages I wept. The Bandara legacy lives on!! Then at the end of the notes there was Mr B’s signature how precious it is to me and my family. However, Mrs B had a life changing conversation with me. Mrs B was one of the only people to speak the truth in love to me. You better bet she didn’t sugar coat it any either! A truer friend I’d never find! Her faithful service to her God, husband and children was an example for all!
I was there when your dad went through this and I was also there the day he came home from Alaska! Oh, and I remember he brought home a dog for y’all!
Pointing other’s to Christ. Oh how God used them!
Thanks for sharing Barry.
Thank you Marcea! You indeed had a unique vantage point of living in both San Jose and Medford. I am so glad you have those memories of how my parents invested in your life and family. Special indeed! Thanks for sharing!
Wow. Wow Wow Wow. And ya’ll are part of my story, and we’re all part of the Big God Story, for His glory and renown. “But God”!!! Wow, wow, wow!!!
Amen!
Thank you Barry, for sharing. Reading this brings such hope and a reminder that God can and does turn our ashes to beauty and our mourning into dancing. Being in ministry is one of the hardest jobs ever. What a rich legacy your earthly dad left you, and an even richer eternal legacy through our heavenly Father.
Lisa,
Thanks so much for sharing! A rich legacy indeed! Heaven can’t come fast enough! 🙂
I was blessed with only 2 yrs +/- under your dad’s ministry but I must say those were two of the best years of my youth. Grew up in another ministry in Campbell but left and went to UBC my Sr. year. I guess those would have been the “glory” years. I remember the constant encouragement your mom and dad were to this teen girl. In fact, to this day, I remember your dad’s words as he told me what he wrote on my college application to PCBBC. He made me believe in my worth-when it seems he was questioning his own.
Your mom, as I remember her, was ‘steady’ in her walk with Christ, in her raising you children, in her support of her beloved husband, in her interaction with the teens. A beautiful soul. I’m saddened for your loss x2.
But, in it all To God Be the Glory. Thank you for sharing your heart and story. Makes me appreciate even more the legacy and lives of Barry & Georgene Bandara.
Lindy,
Thank you for sharing! Encouragement is oxygen to our soul. I am so glad God used my father to fill your soul with oxygen and truth! I am thrilled to hear how God used my mom and dad in your life and in the lives of so many. We are excited to celebrate my mother’s life this Saturday at 1 PM. There will be live streaming if you are interested in joining us. It can be found our church YouTube channel – GracePoint Kitsap. Thanks again for sharing!
Barry, your dad must have been amazing. Between you and Bobby, I have met two more brothers rooted in Christ Jesus! I can’t wait to see you back out here in AZ to stop in and see what’s happening in Men’s Practice. We moved to our new digs and had 102 guys last Saturday ??
Thanks Chuck! I am able to stay in touch with Practice from up here in WA. Bobby won’t let me stay at his house unless I come to Practice! Haha! I am excited to see God expanding Practice for God’s glory!